Friday, August 19, 2011

I can live with that

Every morning I wake up and think "What the H did I eat yesterday? I am soooooo bloated." And then two seconds later I remember that there's another human in my belly. I kind of thought I'd breeze right through pregnancy, probably because my only point of reference was Father of the Bride Part 2 which goes from "yay! pregnant!" to weeks away from delivery. So far my With Child experience has been way way more Juno than Annie Banks Mackenzie, minus the whole "whoops I'm 16 and Michael Cera is the father" business. But even Juno glosses over waking up at 1 am with a burning throat and sprinting to the bathroom to throw up. Did you know heartburn could do that to you? Me neither. And no movie mentions having to have at least three forms of medication on you at all times in case of nausea, heartburn, or headache. I'm essentially a walking pepto bismal ad. So someday when my production company really takes off, I'm going to make a movie titled Pregnancy: The Real Story. Who would buy a ticket to see such a thing? Hard to say. But the public deserves to know the truth! And I suspect teenage abstinence will rise if it's required viewing in high school health class.

To be fair, there is one scene from Baby Mama that accurately reflects my thoughts.

Toxic western medication please!


  1. I always thought that Stephen acted like Michael Cera a little bit.

  2. Jessica, thanks (I think).
    Michael, you mean his habit of running around in short shorts?


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