Monday, November 29, 2010

dog days

My socks have "No Nonsense" printed on the toes. It's like a CTR ring on my feet. Because they know how nonsensical I can get.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


Disneyland, or when Jazzies attack:
If you have an actual need for a wheel chair, as in your legs don't work, then yes, you deserve to skip the line for Pirates of the Carribean. But if you are just too lazy to walk, and I see you every once in a while scoot your Jazzy with your feet or even walk away from it and then return with an icecream in your hand, you are a menace.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

missing safari boat

I wrote another review.

It's 7:55 on Saturday morning and I'm wide awake. Even though we were out late Harry Pottering. I must be really excited for Disneyland. So excited that I just watched a nine minute youtube video of the Jungle Cruise.
So because I'll be too busy riding Tower of Terror and eating Corndogs to blog, Happy Thanksgiving. I love you all.

Friday, November 19, 2010


I was behind an oil tanker on the freeway this morning. It had "INEDIBLE" printed dead center on the the back of the enormous fuel canister.
I guess that means I should stop sneaking sips while filling up my car.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

what's a girl to do

I wish that bibs were acceptable adult accessories. My clothes would stay much cleaner.
I also wish that I were one of those postal workers who get to walk around town with a satchel.
I also wish that it were next Monday because then I would be in Disneyland. On the Jungle Cruise.

There's a church here in good ol' American Fork. Every day at lunch they are playing a familiar tune on the bells. Today it was "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas". It looks a lot like the week before Thanksgiving, you crazies.

Monday, November 15, 2010

new style

Right after our marriage ceremony and right before our reception we stopped at an In-n-Out. We were starving. And we were a bit conspicuous, what with our attire and all. It didn't take our fellow patrons and those ever-smiling In-n-Out employees to realize that were were VERY newly wed. Our cashier, glowing with excitement, said,
"You just got married?! That's awesome. I'm going to the prom next week."
Same difference.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


As promised:


Friday, November 12, 2010

Where is my mind?

A few things:

1. It's been 48 hours without a diet coke. And only 6 excedrin. Leaf. turned.
2. I need 12 people to check my blog so we hit 40,000. I'll bake you a virtual cake.
3. Look, Mom! They're letting me write reviews. TV+writing=thebestthingtoeverhappentome.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Lady killer

My latest self diagnosis (with the help of Google: hypertension. So I've decided to cut back on the sodium. It's been five hours and I'm ready to cry. I haven't had a single diet coke. That may not sound like a big deal, but it is. JUST TRUST ME OK?! During lunch I wandered around the grocery store for thirty minutes, read all kinds of nutrition labels, then purchased only carrots and excedrin. Turns out I don't know much about sodium. Is 90 grams a lot or not very much? How bad is cheese? Crackers? Salt is delicious. No salt is not delicious. I almost bought chocolate for lunch, but then decided that would probably cause other problems. Like obesity. Where does one turn for healthy eating? If you tell me a health food store, I will cry. Those places smell weird.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

to pretend

I'm not awesome with money. I'm not horrible, but I'm not great. My tendency is to spend, not save. Why? Because if you try to cross the river without paying for the ferry, you will die. And if you don't buy the medicine, it's typhoid, cholera, and dyptheria for you and your entire family. These were the lessons taught in Fourth grade computer class on Oregon Trail day. Along with the lifelong desire to kill a bunch of buffalo, even though the meat goes bad before Wyoming.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Cause you can't you won't and you don't stop

Next to Thescariestsevenelevenintheworld, which, fun fact, is two block from my house, is a pair of wranglers. They're in the right lane of the intersection. And they're having a bad day. Tire marked,squished thin as paper, they're on their last leg. No, they're not on any leg. Ha. Pants joke. But who left those pants? Are they running around pantless in So-Pro? And who has so many pants that they can just leave a pair in an intersection? I know I don't. I have three pairs, two that I wear. Don't do the laundry math.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Surfin USA

I had a really sad moment today. It was right after the moment I was elated at the thought of getting together with some of my best friends in just a few hours. Liz Lemon, Kenneth, Jim, Pam, the whole gang. Then I remembered that those aren't real people.
In related news, look for Brad and Carey Morley tonight in Letterman's audience. The guest is Tracy Morgan. If you know anything about Tracy Morgan and talk shows, you know that the parents are in for an awesome, possibly terrifying time. Terrifying: one or two F's? It's times like these that I wish I was friends with the goose from Charlotte's Web and I could call her when ever the double-consinent conundrum arises. That whole sentence may be spelled incorrectly. I need to read more.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

don't know how to act

There is a lawn not far from here with eight Morgan Philpot campaign signs. Eight. That seems like a waste of campaign funds. They also have a sign that reads Matheson=Pelosi. Which just seems like weird math. And possibly an inappropriate use of the equal sign, but it's been a while since I've had a math class. I did, however, throw out "transitive property" in conversation the other day and no one called me on it being the incorrect usage, which  means I was totally correct. So yeah, that's not what equal signs are for. Speaking of totally, I taught a Young Womens('?) lesson on Sunday and probably said "totally" thirty-seven times. Welcome back, 1995.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Around the world around the world

I ran a half marathon on Saturday. It was a bad idea. Not a bad idea to sign up and start training for the race, but a bad idea to sort of stop training and then lose my shoes and then still run 13.1 miles untrained on shoes far past their expiration date. But I knew I could finish. And I did. But what I didn't anticipate was the next 48 hours.  I'm starting to believe that I will never walk normally again. That the rest of my life will be filled with gripping stair railings, bed sides, car doors, and whatever else may be used to hoist my body from one place to another. It will be a life of Ibuprofen popping. Of "Hey Stephen, can you grab me the remote?" requests. A life of sitting in bed on Monday afternoon because the couch is too far away, let alone the office. Legs, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made you run downhill for that long. I should have stopped when I felt the blisters. I should have listened. I hope you find it in your (our) heart to forgive me. I promise to never put you through that again...maybe.