Friday, February 26, 2010

Bring home the bacon

Today, I'm divisible by 2,3,4,6,8, and 12. It's going to be a good year.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I know you wish your name was Mrs. Carter

Although the HFAC is the circus sideshow of campus, there are some perks. The halls of the HFAC are just like Gump's mama's box of chocolates. Today I turned a corner and hit a wall of noise. I then saw probably 100 Asian children from ages 4-12 dressed in darling white dresses and suits, accompanied by two Adults, all chattering in not-English. I hate to guess what they were speaking or where they were from because I usually get it wrong. It was charming regardless. I don't know where they were going or why they are here today. But I felt just a little bit happier to be awake. A rare emotion in the morning.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

wadda man wadda man wadda man

I work in radio. My coworkers have really great voices. Booming, powerful, God is speaking to you kinds of voices. Which is great when discussing important news or the latest in intellectual research. It's downright hilarious when discussing anything else. "I've waited my whole life for Jelly Bellies to not cost $7. Now they're $1.47 a pound. I bought 15 pounds. My day has come." It sounded just like the voice over narration to an overly dramatic B film. "I think I'll have tuna today" or "I love tetris" are not meaningless statements like they would be coming from you or me, but are instead voiced as psalms.

I woke up this morning thinking, "yes, it's finally Friday." FAIL.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

it's probably the reason all these boys got crushes

Hi. Ok. look closely at the man on the right. Yeah? See him? Ok now watch this.

Maris was one of my English students. If you look closely at the board behind my head, you'll see "lay out" written in chalk. Maris had asked to learn the different phrases for "get a tan." The next week he brought me an autographed copy of his book. He told me to translate it into English and together we would "make millions." I laughed then, but I now I think it could very well be a viable career option.

Seriously, though, when I saw this it was such a strange feeling. Liepaja was my home, and Maris was one of my people. I don't really miss being a missionary very often, but I miss Liepaja.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Yeah keep chomping your gum like that. Oh and then smack it. It's really great when you pop the gum inside your mouth and the room is filled with a cracking sound. Then chomp it some more. I want to see the green, spit covered blob ever time you open your mouth. Please please please do this during the lecture. I only want to be able to focus on the sounds you are making with your doublemint. i want to sit in irritated anticipation of your next chomp, snap and crack.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Life feels pretty huge right now. Within the next 3 months I will be married and graduated and probably asking "now what?". And when I start to think about all the unknowns I get nervous, naturally. Lots of really great people offer really great advice, but my very favorite comes from a complete stranger.
"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen."
I know the internet was all abuzz with conanism during the NBC fiasco, and I know we're all tired of hearing about it, but these final tonight show words have really stuck. I keep going back to this statement and feeling ok about everything to come.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Na na na na na na na

There's an area of the mayanesque stairs from seventh north to the south end of campus that is sectioned off with yellow caution tape. The class bound fail to see the impending blockade, and trek the steps oblivious to their pedestrian fate. And once the chunk of danger is hit, there is only one solution; climb under and over and through and around the tape to reach the other side, a severe hazard to the average coed's health, and dare I say deliciously ironic.

Monday, February 15, 2010

if you're having girl problems i feel bad for you son

Me: "I'm nervous. I don't know how to do a lot of wifey things like hem pants."
Stephen: "Don't worry, I'll teach you."

Suddenly facing all kinds of unanswered questions regarding dates and colors and flowers and menus and rocket science and pictures, I find myself wishing for a Franck Eggelhoffer in my life.

"This is what I suggooost"

Saturday, February 13, 2010

silver bullet trailer

This is what Stephen looked like today. We were skiing. Obviously.

And then we took a skiing break. Moments later my finger had a new accessory.

We should be deserving to be to Mars.

Friday, February 12, 2010

almost as though

Two men in hats approached me on my way to school. They were holding pamphlets, which I assumed to be "The benefits of selling for Apex" or "The Young Ambassador's Anniversary". But instead the miniature booklet was "The Watch Tower" and as Man Number One placed it in my hands he said, "This will help you be happy and wise." And I smiled. Because I said something along those lines at least fifteen times a day for eighteen months. And sure, the hatted men were Jehovah's Witnesses, and sure, we play for different teams, but at least we both like Jesus. And we both know what it's like to stand outside on a brisk February morning. And i'm sure we both know what it's like to hear "Sorry, I'm already __________ (Catholic, Russian Orthodox, Jewish, Mormon). I was tempted to wax anecdotal and tell him just how much I get what he's doing. But then there's nothing more heartbreaking than a potential investigator who really won't progress due to their convictions, and I'd hate to be a tease. So I kept walking.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Oh no

The shadow of the volcanic mountain darkened the green valley below, caressing the land like a soft blanket. The azure sky faded into a panel of rosy clouds while the sun winked its goodnight and disappeared beyond the hills. “Dinner time” said the T-Rex and ate the brontosaurus.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I'm talking to you

Walking through the halls of the HFAC is like walking in a nightmare. Eerie sounds seep out of each room. An operatic scale, a minor concerto, and the occasional monologue yelled louder than is necessary. Even though the lights aren't dim and don't flicker on and off and the sound of dripping water hitting cement doesn't echo, it might as well you know?

In other news, Facebook reminds me of those people who redecorate their houses every four months because they're not sure what else to do with their money. Except instead of just painting the walls a new color, they stick the dishwasher in the bedroom and the TV in the kitchen sink and plant flowers in the microwave and cut huge holes in the roof and tie-dye their bricks. Come on Facebook, take your crazy pills.

Monday, February 8, 2010

this is the worst trip

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Greggerson,
Thank you for the sweet wedding gift. Bill and I definitely needed a salad spinner, and we are very excited to start washing and chopping lettuce for our healthy, married meals together. You are wonderful friends.
With Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Aunt Margie,
Thank you for the dishtowels. I can only imagine how much time it must have taken to crochet each one, and there are eight! Every time we dry the dishes we will think of you.
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Rick,
Thank you for the thoughtful wedding gift. I’ve never been photographed in my sleep before. The tree outside my window is very tall- I don’t know how you climbed all the way up there without hurting yourself, especially with Butch tied to the bottom. And thank you for the sweet note attached to the gift. Did you use your own blood for the ink? Who knew you were such a poet? Rhyming Suzanne with “I’m your man”, “biggest fan” and “yes we can”, and Bill with “kill” so many times. Such talent. And what a surprise seeing you at the ceremony! I didn’t think you could receive mail where you were, so I didn’t bother sending an invitation. But I’m so glad you found the church anyway. It was lovely to see how happy you were- I think you cried more than my own mother when Bill and I exchanged our vows. That was a touching moment, wasn’t it? And when the priest asked the congregation to speak or forever hold their peace, it was really great of you to voice your support with a loud moan. Your toast at the reception was rather moving. I had no idea that prison bars could be pried apart with only the strength of love. Or that the thought of a beautiful woman could keep a man alive running three days through the desert without food or water. I always thought the first dance of the night was meant for the bride and her father, so it was kind of you to inform me that it’s actually meant to be shared between the bride and an ex-lover. How embarrassing it would have been if you hadn’t told me. What would people think? And when you suggested we run away together- what a funny joke. You always did make me laugh. It’s a shame you had to leave the celebration early. It turns out that reception center security doesn’t look too kindly on violent threats toward the groom or any member of the wedding party. All the same, thank for celebrating our wonderful day with Bill and I. Come pay us a visit when you get parole.
With Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Mr. and Mrs. McMillan,
Thank you for the beautiful gravy boat. Every time we have mashed potatoes we will think of you and your friendship.
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Friday, February 5, 2010



Thursday, February 4, 2010

a has been was

While doing research at work I learned that polar bears don't get diabetes. Good news.

Monday, February 1, 2010

umbrella. ella. a. a. a.

You know when you're just so in love with your boyfriend that you can't not touch him? Every two minutes you grab his hand or tossle his hair or even lean over and hold him in a long embrace. You know when you do that during the Art History lecture and blocking my view of Botticelli with your hand grabbing, hair tossling and long embracing? Yeah not appropriate. I'm sorry that I laughed at you, but really?