Wednesday, February 15, 2012

personal network

Let's talk about The Bachelor. No, let's.
The Bachelor makes me extremely embarrassed to be a woman, but extremely happy to be a television viewer.
Girls, GIRLS, get a grip. Count the number of hours you've spent with Ben. Total. Is it more than five? No. It's not. You are not in a relationship. You're on a game show. And the only person who seems to understand this is Courtney the villian, who you all spend WAY too much energy hating on, when we know that she has to stick around for at least one more episode for the sake of ratings.
Also, if you don't want to scale a building or swim with sharks or jump out of a helicopter, you don't have to. Imagine you're on a date without cameras, and John Doe says "Oh you hate spiders? That's funny because our plan for the evening is to walk around with spiders on our heads." I don't know about you, but I would probably say "You know, I just remembered, I have the plague. You probably better take me home." Facing your worst fears does not prove your love for Ben. It is not, I repeat, IS NOT a metaphor for your relationship, because I'll remind you that you are not in a relationship. If you are, it's borderline abusive the way he's making you scale buildings and swim with sharks and jump from helicopters, despite you hating all of those things. Most couples go to the movies. They prove their love by sharing the popcorn. The Muppets movie is a metaphor for their relationship. And the success rates of those relationships are far better than those of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, which is like 1 for 38 last time I checked.
But I'm probably just wasting my breath. The dude made you all go skiing in bikinis and you stuck around. You're obviously impervious to sanity.


  1. This is excellent. And so true. My fellow bachelor watchers are mortified that I have been rooting for Courtney, but now I know someone else understands where I am coming from. Thank you for admitting your trash TV addiction. Your courage inspires me.

  2. LOVE this post! Is it wrong to watch The Bachelor solely to make myself feel smarter than the contestants?

  3. Lorraine, I get the biggest kick out of Courtney. I love how she pushes everyone's buttons.
    J, I like watching it because it makes me feel both smart and functional by comparison.

  4. Amen and great job! This season has given me some of the most intense happy/embarrassed/angry feelings I have ever experienced toward those of my same sex... and my same name. I may have to quit watching this season before it ends for psychological health reasons.


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