Monday, July 1, 2013

Dr. Ivy Answers

Roger in Nantucket asks,
Dr. Ivy- Do you know any good jokes?

Dr. Ivy says,
"While you may know me as Dr. Ivy, others know me as Ivy Bring Down the House Walter.  I'm a master of hilarity, and I'm so confident in my delivery that I don't mind sharing some of my best bits. 

The real secret to comedy success is to make yourself laugh. If you think it's funny, chances are so do your parents, grandparents, catss, etc.

This one gets me every time: Balance yourself on the very edge of a chair. The more you're told to stop doing it, the funnier it gets. If you really want to rile up your audience, trying balancing on one foot. The reaction may be 'STOP DOING THAT!!!!!' but I promise your crowd is laughing on the inside. Laugh along with them.

Another classic: Try and light the stove. This one is an all around sensory experience. Turn the lighter knob and listen for the fun click click click. Then enjoy the smell of gas as it wafts through your house. Finally, this is the real show stopper, marvel at the fire you've created simply by pressing a button. I promise you'll never see an adult run faster or say 'NOOOOOOOOOOO' louder. Just remember, 'no' means 'That is the funniest thing I've ever seen,' And the more an adult says 'no', the funnier you are. Go ahead. Laugh.

Then there's this knee-slapper. No really. Slap knees. Or faces. Or arms. Or animals. Hitting is hysterical. Even better if you have a weapon. Try a book or hanger or shoe. Laugh maniacally. 

Finally, my no-fail, leave 'em in stitches rolling on the floor act: Pee on the floor. There will come a time when your guardian will idiotically decide that it's safe to leave you diaperless for thirty seconds. It doesn't matter if you just had a wet diaper or haven't had anything to drink in nine hours. You can pee. So do it. If there's a rug, do it there. There's nothing so funny as watching someone else clean this up. Laugh. You deserve it."

Dr. Ivy

Dr. Ivy, The World's Greatest Expert

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