Thursday, June 20, 2013

Food that hasn't died

When most people think of summer, I bet they think of sun and snow cones and swimming. They feel warm and happy.  When I think about summer, I get scared and itch.
According to my extensive internet research, one out of every ten people is highly attractive to mosquitoes. Those of us in this ten percent will spend five minutes outside and get fifteen bites while our companions get none. I might be flattered if it was my face or figure that was such an insectual lure. But no. It's just the way my body processes cholesterol that brings the buzzing boys to the yard. Thanks a lot, body. Also I'm allergic. My bites swell to the diameter of a tennis ball and itch like a _____ (rhymes with itch).
This is problem enough in my native Utah or new Colorado home. But DC takes Meg the Meal to a whole new level of terror. To quote Leslie Knope, " [In Washington] It’s 120 degrees with 200 percent humidity because this is a stupid swamp town". While we're actually enjoying some pretty mild temperatures, the swampish humidity is at large and with it some freakish, monster, giant, amazonian mosquitoes. I'm sure these are the same suckers that were feasting on T-Rexes and getting stuck in amber.
In the last two weeks I've gone through an entire can of Raid and ten repellent coils. Anyone who comes near me gets a nose-full of eu de Off. My legs are covered in scabs where I've scratched bites into oblivion. Almost my entire Google history is West Nile Virus related. I swat at the air even when there's nothing there.
I'm a freaking mess.

9 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Oh man. You really are delicious to the little critters. Remember in liepaja, you were dying from flee bites and i even found one on me and never got bit. Weird.

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  3. I'm also allergic and it's the worst. I have those little clip on deals that I like to call my "bug beeper" and they actually work. I keep one on each side while I'm outside and it's worked wonders.

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  4. I love you the most. and even though I feel like I was in DC for such a long time, and I'd been there a dozen times before I moved there... I have never been there in July/August. so.... didn't really do the misery thing.

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  5. I completely feel your pain...and itches. Georgia has terrible mosquito issues, and I seem to get the full effect of them. They really should make OFF with a better smell.

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    1. Right? Do I have to smell like old, smelly medicine every time I go outside?

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