Thursday, July 25, 2013

Dr. Ivy Answers: Celebrity Edition

His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge asks,

Dr. Ivy,
I'm new here. You're old and wise and I'm wondering if you could share some tips for finding success and happiness?

Dr. Ivy says,

"Hello, young one. Welcome. On the eve of my year and a half mark, nothing would delight me more than sharing the wisdom I've gained over my months on Earth. Regina Brett, a  90 year old columnist recently shared some tips.They're alright, but I did some light editing and made them better:

1. Life isn't fair. Some people can reach treats set on the counter, but some of us just aren't tall enough.

2. When in doubt, cry it out.

3.  Life is too short for naps.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Mom will though.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month. Or take mom's credit card out of her wallet and hid it under a couch cushion.

6. You don't have to win every argument but actually you do. And you will if you cry.

7. Cry with someone.  Or everyone. Or cry alone. Just cry.

8. Save for retirement one cheerio at a time.

9.When it comes to the car seat, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your dog so he'll leave your stuff alone.

11. It's OK to let your mom see you cry. And your dad. And your grandma. And the cashier at the grocery store. And your cat.

12. Don't compare your life to others. Even if they have fruit snacks, you have no idea what their journey is about.

13. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, they serve McDonalds pancakes all over the world.

14. Take a deep breath.  Before you scream.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. But everything is useful.  And anyone who touches your stuff is asking for it.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you belongs in your mouth.

17. It's never too late to be happy, so why go to bed?

18. When  it comes to going after what you love in life, try climbing on chairs to reach better.

19.  Play with fire, pull all your clothes out of the dresser, wear your best socks. Every day is a special occasion.

20. Over prepare, then throw a fit if things don't go your way.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to talk to imaginary ducks.

22.The most important organ is the colon.

23. Mom is in charge of your happiness. If you are unhappy it is her fault.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'how can I make this situation worse' and then scream.

25. Always choose snacks.

26.Forgive no one until they give you snacks.

27. What other people think of you is irrelevant to nap time.

28. Time heals almost everything. Except when you run into a wall. Only screaming heals that.

29. However good or bad a situation is, cry a little bit.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously unless you need a bottle and then people had better recognize just how serious you are.

31. Believe in miracles because have you tried Cool Whip?

32. Don't audit life but count your toys.Your dog probably stole some.

33. Growing old is great because then you can finally reach the treats on  the counter.

34. You get only one childhood so hit and kick while you can get away with it.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you read The Very Hungry Caterpillar at least seven times daily.

36.Get outside every day. That's where the tasty bugs are.

37. Envy is a waste of time unless it helps you develop a solid plan for stealing your dog's treats.

38. The best is yet to come. Just wait til you meet Elmo.

39. No matter how you feel, get up, get mom up, get dad up.

40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift, and like all gifts, should be shred open, played with for five minutes, then left in a corner somewhere.

Stick with these basic guidelines and you'll be OK, George."

Dr. Ivy

Dr. Ivy, The World's Greatest Expert


  1. Dr. Ivy knows what she's talking about. Also, she is very quippy :)

    1. She really does, and she really is.

    2. Pretty excited for the "success and happiness" that my little one is going to find. Funny stuff, Meg :)

    3. I'm excited for her! And thank you.

  2. 7. Cry with someone. Or everyone. Or cry alone. Just cry.

    I think I hear Elsie repeating this over and over to herself in the morning. You know, just to gear up for a long day of crying.


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