Sunday, November 6, 2011

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood

This morning I found a  note taped to our door. Always a good way to start the day. The note read,
Dear Residents,
I noticed that someone at your place of residence seems to enjoy tapping on the wall that connects your condo to mine. I find it repulsive and in poor taste. If you could please be more mindful of keeping the peace it would be greatly appreciated.
Your neighbor
We too have heard the tapping noise, and we assumed someone was remodeling. Our neighbor, however, assumed that we had nothing better to do with our time than stand around and knock on the wall. If that were the case, it would indeed be in very poor taste, and I guess repulsive, though that adjective seems a little out of place, but whatever. Since we do have jobs and homework and a life and driving our neighbor crazy isn't on our list of priorities, so we are not responsible for the tapping.
When something like this happens there are two very different sides of me that conflict. One side wants to overcompensate, take over a plate of cookies, tell her that the tapping really is unbearable and that even though it's not coming from our condo, we're still very sorry. The other side of me wants to be a total turd about it. The turd side of me wants to leave one of the following notes on her door:

So sorry about the tapping! I've been practicing my gravity-defying vertical tap dance routine. I'll switch walls.

We've wondered why you haven't responded to our morse code messages. The mission is soon. ---- ... -- .. - .... ---.

It's not tapping. We're knife throwers.

Sorry about the tapping. That's just Roy.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

-Love, Your neighbor, Edgar

We can't find our pet chimp. We think he might be in the wall. Don't worry, he's only killed once.


  1. hahahaha... reply with the tap dance routine one. :)

  2. Gotta love the passive aggressive neighbor(s?). I vote for the morse code message.

  3. I should include all of them in one note. With the cookies.

  4. i'm a sucker for edgar. it's clever and literary, just like you.

  5. Ok, so this made me laugh, and I know I just commented on your more recent post about it, but I had to leave one more comment: my husband and I found out a little while ago that we're having twins. Freaking twins. Our first children.

    And when people ask what we're going to name them, I think to myself, we're probably not the right kind of people to have twins because I either want to tell them we're going to name them their children's names, our dog's names, or some other bull crap. I am so mature. And therefore this made me laugh.

  6. P.S., that's dogs' names. We have TWO of them. Two of everything. Soon.

  7. Twins! That's so insane! Yeah, being pregnant has taught me how immature I really am.


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