i backed my car into a cop car the other day

The beginning of pregnancy is a lot like starting a new job. You know you should probably understand what's going on, but you have no idea what's happening. There's a whole new vocabulary full of terms that don't make any sense (morning sickness), and you realize you probably should have done some more research before your first day. I should have known how to work a computer before starting my job, and I should have known basic anatomy before creating new life. The day I saw the + on the p-test, I called a nurse and asked her forty-five minutes worth of questions. I asked her to tell me all the rules of pregnancy. There are a lot of rules. And then I asked her what to expect, and bless her heart, she tried. The term "expecting" is hysterical, because so far nearly everything about this adventure has been unexpected. I won't go into details about the all these special changes because I don't want to alienate the male readers more than I already have, and no one wants to read about the embarrassing noise I made in public yesterday. (Oh man, see what I did there?) It's all exciting, because as embarrassing as the noises are, and as badly as I hate broccoli lately, and as grouchy as I get at about 10:00p.m., it all means that there's a little nubbin of a human growing within. That's all I really have to say about that. Peace.