Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Dr. Ivy Answers

Troy in Wisconsin asks,
Dr. Ivy- The authorities in my home are constantly telling me to share. What do you know about sharing and what cautions do you have?

Dr. Ivy says,
"My cautions are innumerable. Sharing is nothing more than a cute word for communism.  So unless you consider yourself a communist, in which case GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY, I urge you to avoid sharing at all costs.

I've recently found myself in situations such as the one you describe. I'm told to "be nice" and "share toys" with "my friends." Oh, you mean the toys I spent (mom's) hard-earned money on? Puh-lease. I don't need to be nice. My playmates need to get jobs.

It's time to silence the pro-sharers and their socialist agenda. History has taught us that niceness gets us nowhere and sharing only leads to misery. Do you think this great country was established on generosity? Did the founding fathers decide to "go halfsies" with the British on this land that we love? Absolutely not. We fought a freaking war to hold on to what was sort of rightfully ours. I encourage you to do the same with your legos."

Dr. Ivy

Dr. Ivy, The World's Greatest Expert


  1. Dear Dr. Ivy. Those communists are taking over Ukraine, so what's to stop them from taking over Colorado, too? Better be on the lookout... :)

    1. Don't worry. I'm gathering a militia of stubborn toddlers. We call ourselves "The Nursery."


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