Things my child would probably say if she had a more extensive vocabulary

Reaching over her crib to the light switch
"Hey Mom,  watch!
On
Off
On
Off
On
Off"

After standing three inches in front of me and sneezing directly into my face
"Hahahahahahaha!
OMG, that was so funny. Your mouth was open and everything!
Hahahahahahaha!
Dad, did you see that? I totally sneezed on Mom!
Hahahahahahaha!"

After being caught feeding the dog people food
"Look, I know you guys are against this for whatever reason, but I really feel like this is the humane thing to do. Have you tried Ollie's food? No? Well I have. It's essentially meat infused gravel. I don't know if you're sadists or what, but I love my dog and am going to share my spaghetti."

After a few minutes unsupervised
"Hey Mom, you'll never guess where I hid your shoe. I'll  give you a hint: It starts with T and ends with T. Also,  it flushes."

Standing next to the table, watching  Stephen do his homework
"Hey Dad, can I see that pen for just one second?
Dad?
Dad, I think it's my turn now. You've had the pen for like three minutes.
Dad. DAD. DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.
Please?
The pen, Dad, please?
I've got a bunch of stuff I need to write.
Mom, can you tell dad to give  me the pen please?
Mom. MOM. MOMMMMMMMMMMM."

Nap time
"I don't really think I'm tired. I feel great. I'm ready for some more block stacking. Maybe some running in circles. Heck, I'm  even craving that cheese I turned my nose up at earlier. Really, the day is young, so let's get me out of here and get some stuff done.
Really. I am not sleepy at all.
Hello? Can you hear me? I SAID I'M NOT SLEEPY.
WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME?
WHY DO YOU HATE ME?
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?
NEXT TIME I GET HOLD OF YOUR PHONE I'M CALLING CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.
THIS IS ABUSE!
I AM NOT TIRED!
I AM NOT TIRED!
I.....
am....
not...
zzzzzzzzzz"