Tuesday, May 22, 2012

That was 90% gravity

The Bachelorette. Oh man, The Bachelorette. Let's talk about the guy whose title is "Luxury Brand Consultant". The second funniest title of the season, behind "Party MC". The producers started Mr. Consultant off on the right foot by flying him in on a chopper because THIS SHOW DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH HELICOPTERS. Of course the rest of the dudes hate him, blah blah blah, he'll be around at least until the final four because it makes awesome television (see Michelle, Vienna, Courtney, Rated R, etc.). Let's talk about the totes adorbs Jef from SLC, the first Utah contestant who is not completely crazy sauce banana pants (see Michelle...again, Bentley, blond girl from last season). Let's talk about the phrase "He has a lot of the qualities I'm looking for" and how it always mean that the "he" is soon to be sent home. Let's talk about Emily and how great it is that she made Handsome Sports Dude unload her groceries and make cookies for soccer practice. Let's talk about the face Handsome Sports Dude made when he learned that was the day's activities. It was very "WHERE'S MY HELICOPTER?" Let's talk about the poor suckers whose response to "where do you see yourself in five years was, "I see myself happy" as if that makes any sense or would ever be considered a sufficient answer to anyone who has ever had a conversation with another person, ever. Let's talk about The Muppets and how terribly, terribly wrong it was to see Chris Harrison try and mimic Statler and Waldorf. Show some respect, you scumbag.


  1. Agreed. On everything. Also. What's with her laugh? She's kinda dull. Pretty, but dull.

  2. Let's just say if someone had told me I could fight for Kermit's attentions with Miss Piggy if I'd just stayed single a little longer (and been willing to go on national TV to talk about how "open" I am to love) then maybe I'd have thought twice about this whole marrying my soulmate thing. LAME.

    Stevie. Those dance moves. That chin hair. I hope he's here awhile.

  3. I haven't watched the Bachelorette, but this almost makes me want to.


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