Monday, February 8, 2010

this is the worst trip

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Greggerson,
Thank you for the sweet wedding gift. Bill and I definitely needed a salad spinner, and we are very excited to start washing and chopping lettuce for our healthy, married meals together. You are wonderful friends.
With Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Aunt Margie,
Thank you for the dishtowels. I can only imagine how much time it must have taken to crochet each one, and there are eight! Every time we dry the dishes we will think of you.
Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Rick,
Thank you for the thoughtful wedding gift. I’ve never been photographed in my sleep before. The tree outside my window is very tall- I don’t know how you climbed all the way up there without hurting yourself, especially with Butch tied to the bottom. And thank you for the sweet note attached to the gift. Did you use your own blood for the ink? Who knew you were such a poet? Rhyming Suzanne with “I’m your man”, “biggest fan” and “yes we can”, and Bill with “kill” so many times. Such talent. And what a surprise seeing you at the ceremony! I didn’t think you could receive mail where you were, so I didn’t bother sending an invitation. But I’m so glad you found the church anyway. It was lovely to see how happy you were- I think you cried more than my own mother when Bill and I exchanged our vows. That was a touching moment, wasn’t it? And when the priest asked the congregation to speak or forever hold their peace, it was really great of you to voice your support with a loud moan. Your toast at the reception was rather moving. I had no idea that prison bars could be pried apart with only the strength of love. Or that the thought of a beautiful woman could keep a man alive running three days through the desert without food or water. I always thought the first dance of the night was meant for the bride and her father, so it was kind of you to inform me that it’s actually meant to be shared between the bride and an ex-lover. How embarrassing it would have been if you hadn’t told me. What would people think? And when you suggested we run away together- what a funny joke. You always did make me laugh. It’s a shame you had to leave the celebration early. It turns out that reception center security doesn’t look too kindly on violent threats toward the groom or any member of the wedding party. All the same, thank for celebrating our wonderful day with Bill and I. Come pay us a visit when you get parole.
With Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

Dear Mr. and Mrs. McMillan,
Thank you for the beautiful gravy boat. Every time we have mashed potatoes we will think of you and your friendship.
Love,
Bill and Suzanne Ludlow

6 comments:

  1. my thank yous went a little like this too..

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  2. this is the best thing you've ever written. it is absolutely brilliant.

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  3. At the risk of sounding incredibly arrogant, I would not be surprised if I received a similar thank you gift at my own (hypothetical) wedding.

    Mostly because you know where I live.

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  4. I love this, Meg. You are amazing.

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