Happy Halloween to You and Yours!

Why my husband and I were meant for each other

Stephen has an amazing, recently discovered gift. He has the ability to decipher the celebrity voice narrating every commercial on television. That is to say, he can describe the physical attributes and character traits associated with each celebrity narrating the commercials but can not name them because Stephen is really REALLY terrible with names. I, however, am really REALLY excellent with names, especially famous ones. So Stephen hears the commercial, says something like, "The Office, Tall guy," and I shout, "John Krasinski!" Or he says, "Home Improvement, drugs, prison," and I declare, "Tim Allen!"
So yeah. Soul mates.

Divisible by 3

Guess who's 9 months...tomorrow...

Ivy is mobile. Insanely mobile. She's the Usain Bolt of crawling. She pulls herself to a standing position on the couch, the wall, and her crib. The paranoid mother in me wants to get her a helmet to soften the blow of the falls that happen so many times a day. The only time she sits still is to watch older kids and dream of the day she too will walk, talk and wear shoes. 

Ivy has very little interest in baby toys and too much interest in computers, phones, remotes and wires. She turns her nose up at baby food but devours rice, naan, meat balls, chicken, grapes and green beans. She insists on holding a spoon when she eats, even though she doesn't know what to do with it and uses her hands to shove food in her mouth. She may start talking soon but judging by her jabbering, I think she's convinced that she already speaks. This morning I asked her to say "mom" and she replied, "dadadadada." Well played, Ives. 

Ivy loves to laugh and often flashes big, two-teethed smiles to get a giggle out of Stephen or me. She chases Ollie and steals his toys, which, by they way, are a million times less cute and a million times more boring than her toys that she refuses to play with. She seems to enjoy making new friends as long as a parent is still in sight. 

Ivy only cries when she needs something, and even though she gets into a million different things a day, it's pretty amazing how she can keep herself entertained.  She plays for hours, always rediscovering objects, turning them over, hitting them, giggling about them, sharing them with her mom.

I don't know what I did before Ivy was around. I must have been so lonely without my tiny buddy. 

Extreme Makeover: Dog Edition

Before:

After:

Good pet owners probably groom their animals more than twice a year. Good pet owners also probably don't give their dogs cookies to keep them quiet. Because we've trained him so well, he's a total maniac when the groomer comes at him with scissors. So we got a prescription for sedatives. Today we doubled the dose, and, as you can imagine, hilarity ensued. He fell asleep sitting up, ran into a wall, and finally sprawled himself on the ground and had to be carried through the Paw Spa doors.

Ivy thinks that my laptop is the world's greatest toy that I'm not letting her have. She makes her opinion about this known. Frequently. So today I let her type a little something: 

Aaaaaaaaaaa3WS 2QQa W @Xq w. 

Maybe it's too early to tell, but I'm going to go ahead and assume she's a child prodigy. If not in poetry then in computer science because in the fifteen seconds she had her hands on the keyboard she used at least eight keyboard shortcuts I never knew existed.

3 weeks...

TGIF, can I get an amen? What a week. Being an undecided voter in a swing state is not as awesome as one might think. Turns out being in part responsible for picking the next leader of the free world is a little more stressful than picking the next American Idol. Speaking of reality television, in a completely shocking turn of events, Jef with one F and Emily of The Bachelorette have broken up. When you've finished sobbing enough to at least see through your tears, you can read my thoughts on the split here. But back to politics. The debate Tuesday night reminded me a lot of childhood when my siblings and I would play board games and argue about the rules and eventually someone would pull someone's hair. After that incredibly awkward ninety minutes I was ready to write in Pill Pulman in Independence Day on my ballot. So I was relieved to see the following clip from the Al Smith dinner and be reminded that there is some semblance of civility left between the these two men. I don't know where to find Obama's speech. Sorry.

Who are you voting for? I'd love to hear your rational reasons for doing so. If you tell me that Obama's an ignorant communist or Romney's a heartless flip-flopper I won't take you seriously. But I would really love to hear why you think one man would make a better leader than the other.

Too much candy's gonna make you sick

Our Home Owners Association discovered the secret to truly horrifying Holloween decorations. The trick is, the less the spookier. And by less I mean one. A single gravestone nestled in the corner bushes. No name, no death pun, just a skull and cross bones with the dates 1890-1921. I would think there was an actual 31 year old buried beneath the bushes if the marker weren't made of cardboard. I checked the other corner bushes and found no goofy spider webs, tissue paper pumpkins or over-sized spiders. Just the one cardboard gravestone partially hidden in the bushes. Guys, maybe it IS real, and the mass murderer who buried his (yes, I'm assuming it's a man) victim there ninety-one years ago knew that if he marked the grave with cardboard everyone would assume it was just a silly holiday decoration and he totally got away with it.
Happy Halloween?

Like Jeff Foxworthy but without the moustache

You know you're a good parent when:
-Your daughter laughs hysterically every time you say "poop"
-The onesie on your child is covered in food spills and you know you'll probably only change it if you decide to post a picture on Instagram.
-An unplugged ethernet cord has become an acceptable chew toy
-Your phone ""
-You give your baby an old remote control to fall asleep with because it soothes her.
-After giving your baby an old remote control and assuming she fell asleep you walk in ten minutes later to find her gnawing on her crib railing.

You know you're holding up well as a person when:
-You finally shower at 3:00 pm
-In your afternoon shower you shampoo your hair three times because you can't remember if you already have.
-You eat tortilla chips for lunch and chocolate chips for desert.
-You decide you're clever for having a chip themed food day when you actually didn't plan it and only realized the coincidence after the fact while blogging.