She may have mentioned a bear as well

A woman called me. It was a business call but not a business conversation.
"My cougar ate a golf ball," she said. I assumed I heard her wrong.
"She was the best cougar in the world, never hurt anyone." Nope. It wasn't a hearing issue. This woman owned a cougar. A golf-ball eating cougar.
"There was nothing they could do," She cried. I sympathized. Losing an animal is never easy.  And although I don't understand the appeal of owning a pet that could turn on you and attack at any time, she seemed pretty torn up about her loss.
"I'm sorry," I said as I waited for her to gain her composure. It took a while. Then there was a clanging in the background.
"Sorry, that's my bobcat," she explained. "He's always knocking stuff over."
I wasn't sure how to respond to the second wild, carnivorous animal announcement, so I tried to remind her of the business she had called to discuss. I failed.
"My husband won't do anything about those neighbor kids. They always throw stuff in our yard and it upsets our wolf." I was scared to ask what she wanted her husband to do about the neighbor kids or why she owns a wolf, so I changed the subject and asked where she was from. She then asked where I was from and when I told her Utah, she said,
"Tell those people in Idaho to stop hurting the wolves."
The twenty minute conversation continued to spiral out of control until she finally made a purchase. She then tried to explain the importance of having a gun in the home. I told her I had to take another call. It was a lie.

Hey Idaho, stop hurting the wolves.

Writer

"Well, here's the thing: I'm not beautiful. I mean, I'm a perfectly normal-looking Jewish guy. My face has never been my fortune, nor has my body ... physical beauty has never been part of my equation. It's just not on my shopping list. With the arm, I'm not talking about beauty so much as I'm actually talking about symmetry ... it's the lack of the shoulder that I was fixated on and remain a tiny bit fixated on."

" ... I'm fortunate in that I am 46 years old, and I do have a nifty little career so that the comma, noun after my name is David Rakoff comma writer. I'm very fortunate in that that's kind of established, so even if I do lose my arm ... I have managed to establish an identity that is based on my internal self, and for that I feel tremendously lucky."

-David Rakoff

HAGS!

The sun is setting on our time in DC.
While I'm excited to get back to my car, a real kitchen, Ollie, Ivy's own room, an actual mattress, a ceiling without holes, mountains and a normal schedule, I'm sad to leave.

It's been an incredible summer. Want proof? Ok! Picture time!

The Washington Monument. Well the bottom third of it anyway.

Jenny, Rachel F, Rachel R and Alpha at our freshman roommate reunion. On the east coast. Go figure. (Not pictured: Erin and Me)

The Space Shuttle Discovery at the Air and Space Museum Not a great picture, but it was totally rad.

The National Cathedral. It's beautiful, and we can see it from our apartment.

Fourth of July in Annapolis. It was hot.

Fourth of July in the City. We saw the last five minutes of the fire works. We were too caught up in our Good Stuff burgers to notice the time.

Stephen was on C-SPAN twice this summer.

The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. I'll admit it. I cried.

The National Museum of American History. 

The National Museum of Natural History. The most crowded place I have ever been.

We will miss being five miles from these amazing places. We will miss the incredible food. We will miss our dear friends. We will miss DC.

that nobody can deny

This guy!

Nicholas Tyler Morley, my brother, turns 24 today. 

The think about Nick is that he's the life of every party. I've never had a conversation with Nick and not laughed. Well, I mean, maybe when I was eight and he was six and I wanted a turn on the play station, I might not have laughed then, but all other times definitely. The other thing about Nick is he's not one of those funny people that is jerk about it and won't give anyone else a laugh. In fact he's the most gernerous laugher I've ever know. Tell a joke around Nick and it will kill every time even though he knows a better one.

Thanks for the laughs, Nick. 

Happy 24!

Apollo, appollo

"She's a calendar baby fo sho!" said the man in the star-shaped sunglasses selling water on Constitution Avenue.

I don't know what a calendar baby is. Does it mean Ivy was born during the calendar year? That's accurate. She was. Does it mean she belongs on a calendar? That would suggest Ivy resembles a puppy or a fireman. While both are adorable in their own right, neither seems a fitting or flattering description of my infant daughter. Does it mean water-selling dude was nuttier than pistachios? Probably.

I did google "baby calendar" and found this:

I think that's a buffalo skull on the third Friday. So that's fun.

Evolutionary Fail

Happy Weekend!

e'erybody love me

Reader. this will probably come as a huge shock, but I'm not a great dancer. And by not a great dancer, I mean I'm a really terrible dancer. But the great thing about babies is that they don't have much to compare your talent to. I'm the best dancer Ivy's ever seen because I'm the only dancer Ivy's ever seen. This morning I figured I would take advantage of her ignorance and show off my best moves. There was shaking. There was twirling. There was roof raising. I finished my routine and awaited applause. All I got was Ivy's confused, terrified stare, the same look she gave me when I tried to feed her prunes. It still beats Ollie's usual reaction which is to totally lose his cool and try biting my feet off every time I make any sort of gesture that might possibly resemble a dance move. I'm not making that up. Nothing makes Ollie madder than me dancing. Sometimes we call him The Old People in Foot Loose (one word or two?).