Like when I want popcorn during monopoly

I'm the only person in America who has not read the Hunger Games, but I saw the movie. It may have been a mistake. I understand that the movie was made for fans of the book. But could they not throw a bone or two to those of us who are too lazy to read never got around to it  have other stuff going on. There's a lot I didn't understand. Like, what was with the hand signal? What's a district? Why are squirrels the new chicken? And WHY ARE PEOPLE NOT UPSET THAT CHILDREN ARE DYING? I think that maybe the events of last week, the French shootings and the attention brought to the Trayvon Martin case made a movie about children killing children a little hard to swallow. Or maybe it's because I have a child of my own and my maternal uptightness has really kicked in. Whatever the reason, I was bothered. I appreciate the creativity and imagination of both the author and the filmmakers. The story was engaging and the images fun to look at, though learning to zoom out couldn't hurt the cinematographer. And Jennifer Lawrence was really great, even if she played the exact character she did in Winter's Bone. But who was the bad guy? What perverse human being created a child-slaughter television competition? Who can I blame? It's fine to tell this story, but it needs to be darker. Children shouldn't die. Ever. And a world where that's ok needs to feel like a sick, twisted place, not the Land of Oz. Right? Am I way off here? Did I miss something? Do I need to read the book? Guide me, internet.

Maybe I'll eat cheesecake for lunch. Try and stop me.

It was about 10am and I was hungry. I opened the fridge and pulled out the pasta salad. A certain member of my family (hint: the father of my child) pulled a disgusted face and said, "Ew, for breakfast? Gross." That's not the first time my morning meal has been scoffed at. A roommate once saw me eating a bowl of peas in the am and nearly lost her own breakfast. Why? What is so wrong with nonbreakfast foods for breakfast? What's more innocent than peas? How is steak and eggs any better than pasta salad? Bacon better than a grilled cheese? Pancakes better than cold cuts? And a breakfast burrito? Give me a break. That's a burrito with eggs. Just because I prefer the savory side of life and tend to avoid syrup drenched cuisine, I'm considered a culinary heritic.

Yesterday was Ivy's two month mark.



 She's decided that she has lots of opinions about lots of different things, and that it's important to make

those opinions known to the world. Be it smiley babbles or red-face screams, she's a communicator. Also a cuddler:

Happy Friday

Time to party

Who wants to take me to Cafe Rio?

Utah, we're coming for you. Tomorrow Ivy takes her first road trip. Am I nervous about having an infant in the car for 8 hours? Yes. Is it worth it to see the mountains and eat a j dawg again? Absolutely.

Remember how I'll be telling a story at the porch on March 30? Well so is Joanna Brooks. She's kind of a big deal. Such a big deal that the show sold out. But fear not, they've added another show at 9:00 that same night, and tickets for said later show go on sale tomorrow morning. You can purchase them here: http://utahporch.org/tickets.

I guess it's healthier than arguing

I owe Stephen approximately $315,863,724 from every time I've said "I'll pay you a thousand dollars to take the dog outside" or "twenty dollars if you change Ivy's diaper".
Good thing this blog is so lucrative, am I right, my 51 followers?

Dr. Ivy Answers (Again)

Allyson in Arizona asks,
Dr. Ivy - how do I know when to use "beside" and "besides"? Also, how do you fit it all into a day?



Dr. Ivy says,

"To answer your first question, find the highest point in your field of vision. Is it a building? Is it a mountain? Is it a tree? Whatever it is, climb to the top of it. Lick the index finger on your right hand and hold it in the air. You're testing the wind. If the wind is blowing eastward, the answer is 'beside'. If the wind is blowing westward, say 'besides'.

Now for your second question: I'll admit, there was a time when I was completely overwhelmed with my demanding schedule. Between napping, playing, cooing, eating and diaper changes, it seemed there just weren't enough hours in the day to get it all done. But then I got myself a day planner. It's like I always say, a baby girl is nothing without her day planner.  I'm fastidious about writing each day's schedule, and now I know exactly where I need to be and when. 8-10, crib. 10-10:15, snack. 10:15-11:00, swing, etc. I'm now a happier, more productive infant, rarely stressed by the things I need to accomplish each day."

Love,

Dr. Ivy



Dr. Ivy, The World's Most Trusted Expert



worth a thousand words, none of them good

Ok. It's time I address this.
Those of you of the same religious affiliation as presidential hopeful Mitt Romney and myself may have noticed a familiar face in your For The Strength of Youth pamphlet or Relief Society/Priesthood manual. Yes, that's me posing with an elderly woman. No, I don't "go about radiating sunshine, developing happiness and lifting up thos who are discouraged, and bringing joy and comfort to those who are in distress" often as the caption would have you believe. No, I don't weigh 300 pounds as my chin would have you believe. No, I didn't think the photographer was serious when she told me there was a chance the photo would be used more than once. Yes, I should have taken her seriously since the photo has now appeared in two issues of the Ensign, the Liahona and the aforementioned manuals. No, I am not a fan of that photo. And no, I don't say that like a girl who "hates" her yearbook photo and tells all her friends it's the "worst photo ever" because she knows she looks smokin' hott and wants all the high school boys to look it up and swoon. This photo is anything but smokin' hott. It's smokin' terrible. And why The Official Photo Selector for Churchy Matters decides to use it over and over will forever be my life's greatest mystery. Does this feel like a back door brag post? I promise it's not. Because I really hate that photo. I hate that it looks like I hadn't brushed my hair in years. I hate that I wore such an unflattering top. I hate that my chin is so chinny. So please, please, please do NOT tell me that it's a cute photo. Because if that's me looking cute, well, then there's really no hope.