Monday, January 13, 2014

Meck, irishus, and accidental obscenities.

We're rounding the corner on Ivy's second birthday and she has the vocab to prove it, though it takes a fair amount of listening and concentration to determine what it is she's trying to say.

Ivy calls me by my first name, or her version of my first name: Meck. "Meck!" she yells first thing in the morning. "Meck?" she implores while knocking on the bathroom door.

She learned to say "no way", and then decided that "way" belongs at the end of lots of words. Bottles are now called bottle-ways, water is water-way, and popcorn is cockaway.

"Cookie" is a favorite word.

A particularly tasty meal is declared "irishus" (delicious), and she'll say "yum" as she force-feeds her parents goldfish.

Her pronunciation of both "Frog" and "Fork" are extremely profane, as is the way she says "sit."

But some words she's mastered. She still says, "Bye! See you!" but now with so much bravado you would think she was yelling it from the upper deck of a luxury ocean liner to the bon-voyagers on the dock below.

She says "NICE!" every time she throws a ball, and "BUBBLES!" every time she hears bath water running. She can count to ten, but usually counts to 5 and then adds some letters.

Her favorite word by far is Ollie, and she spends all day lecturing the dog, sometimes ending her thoughts with "Amen."

I'll close with a direct quote: "I see Doggie! Woof! Meow?"

Monday, January 6, 2014

A mostly true story.

My conversation with Key Bank's customer service hotline:
"Good afternoon, thank you for calling key! How can I help you today?"
"Hey there. I misspelled the answer to my security question and now I'm locked out of my online account."
"Okay ma'am, that's no problem, I just need to ask you some questions so we can verify your account."
"Great. Thanks."
"My pleasure, ma'am. First question, what date did you open your account?"
"Oh gosh. Um. It was ten years ago. Maybe nine. I think it was the summer time? Let's say 2005."
"Ma'am, how much is currently in your account?"
"Not a lot."
"Ma'am, I need an amount."
"Well that information is online and I'm locked out of my account."
"Okay ma'am, and what is the location of the branch where you opened the account?"
"Orem."
"Ma'am I need the exact address."
"Oh. Well. That information is online. And I can't get into my account. Which is why I'm calling. Remember?"
"Ma'am I need the branch location."
"University Parkway?"
"Okay ma'am, and what time of the day did you open the account?"
"Really?"
"Yes. Also, if you could describe the weather and the color of shirt you were wearing and the name of the mayor of Cincinnati at the time."
"Wait, what?"
"Ma'am what was the amount of your last deposit?"
"Again, that information is online."
"Okay ma'am, can you describe what you ate for lunch?"
"Leftovers."
"Leftover what?"
"Stroganoff."
"Okay ma'am. Edward or Jacob?"
"Jacob. I guess."
"Interesting choice, ma'am. Okay at this time I cannot verify your account."
"But why?"
"Ma'am I cannot tell you which answers were incorrect."
"It was Jacob, wasn't it."
"Ma'am, at this time, I cannot tell you which answers were incorrect."
"Okay. Well what else can I do?"
"Ma'am, you can visit your nearest Key Bank location. Thank you for calling Key!"

My conversation with the manager at my nearest Key Bank location:
"Hey there. I misspelled the answer to my security question and now I'm locked out of my online account."
"Okay ma'am, that's no problem, I'll just need to call customer service."

Monday, December 30, 2013

All the honeys who making money, all the mommas who profit dollas

I'm normally a mom who works from home. This Christmas break, however, I've been a Working Mom. I'm doing some consulting, so I've been spending my days in an office and listening to zero episodes of Sesame Street. 

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a refreshing change of pace to get dressed before noon and talk to other adults. But I'd also be lying if I said I didn't call Stephen to check in every forty-five minutes. Not because Stephen is incompetent as a parent, but because I have separation anxiety when Ivy is more than three feet away. It should be noted that Ivy does not share my affliction, and, as we've recently discovered to my horror, is actually much better behaved when I am not around. 

"Um, she never whined while you were at work," Stephen said while Ivy clung to my leg and made that "ehhhhh" noise that means "I'm dissatisfied with life in general right now but I can't articulate why. Regardless, it's your job to fix it."

Serious career face in a serious career workspace.

So maybe the time apart is good for us. Ivy is learning some independence. I'm relearning the satisfaction of a challenging career. But I'm also looking forward to getting back to pajamas and Elmo and spending my days with the tiny human who makes me a little crazy and a lot happy. 

I better go call Stephen.

Friday, December 27, 2013

That one time I got a a new family member

What? Another recap post?
Yes. Because my brother got married. That feels like something that should be documented.

So.

Because we're the family of the groom, we, or I should say my mom, planned the wedding dinner.
Obviously, we held it at a bowling alley. I spent the night taking photos because I'm the cheapest photographer around (free).

The bride and groom.

My mom had T-shirts made. Of Course she did.





At one point a child threw up.


There were toasts. I bawled through mine. I just love my brother. And his new wife. 

The night was a roaring success, as was the next day.
Nick and Ashley were sealed in the Salt Lake City Temple. It was totally lovely. 
Then we all suffered through mild hypothermia while waiting for the Mr. and Mrs. to arrive outside. 

These are iphone photos. There was an actual photographer capturing the Wedding Day moments. 

There they are. Totally worth the wait and the frost-bitten toes.

Best dress ever.

You can tell by that dress that Ashely has impeccable taste, so it's no surprise that the reception was gorgeous.

Ivy and I with the now-married Nick.

Fresh snow and Christmas lights greeted the guests who were then invited inside a cozy hall for tomato soup, grilled cheese and hot chocolate. And if they were lucky, they got a glimpse of a glam two-year-old.


Ivy loved the dress, the shoes, the wrap and even the tights. On a normal day I'm lucky if I can get a diaper on her. But on this wedding day, she was all for getting gussied up. 

And for dancing:



Thanks for the fun party, Nick and Ash. Welcome to the married world.


Thursday, December 26, 2013

Warning: Holiday Recap Post

Part of what's fun but also kind of crazy about being married is the doubling of Christmas traditions. This means, if both families live relatively close, like ours, that it's important to be twice as many places. Over the past week we drove the hour between the Walter and Morley homes more than should be legal given the Utah air's inversion tendencies. Sorry, coughers.
It was totally worth the commute though, since both the Walters and the Morleys turn Christmas into a Holiday Extravaganza-a-a-a-a.

It started with the annual Walter Christmas Eve lunch at Hire's Big H. I ate enough onion rings to feed an onion-ring-loving-nation for a year. And for the first time in Ivy's life, she ate what we ordered her. That grilled cheese was a Christmas miracle.


Then we headed to Provo for Grandma Jan's Christmas Eve party. After more food (e.g. enough shrimp and cocktail sauce to feed a shrimp-and-cocktail sauce-loving-nation for a year, we enjoyed the circus program. It starts with the nativity, wherein an adult reads from Luke 2, pauses for carols sung by a group of relatives whose voices combined sound not very great, and grandchildren dress in an assortment of bathrobes and fairy wings in order to act the parts of Joseph, Mary, Shepherds, Angels and Wisemen. 

Note Brock crying. Hahahahahaha

After a quick costume change, it's onto Santa, a reindeer, and a couple elves who hand out gifts. 


After the cousin festivities wrapped up (Christmas pun!) We spent the night at the Morley's. It was a weird Christmas for my parents. My brother is on his honeymoon, my sister is on a mission, so Stephen, Ivy and I were the only youths in sight. It was quiet. We missed the absent siblings. But more jammies for us, right? 

Ivy's thrilled.

Ivy still hasn't quite grasped the concept of opening presents. It takes a lot of time and a lot of help, then when she finally gets one open, she's totally content to play with whatever book/toy/shirt lies within.




But we did eventually make it to the grand finale: The Kitchen (c/o Nana and Bop Bop). I'm convinced this will be the gift that keeps on giving. Ivy is obsessed with pulling out every utensil in our apartment, hiding them under couches, dipping them in dog food, and breaking off their handles. She also likes to stand approximately four centimeters away any time I'm holding a pot of boiling water or opening the oven door. I think this toy will go a long way in preserving both my cooking tools and my child's safety. I hope, anyway. 



After talking to Hermana Morley via Skype (She's doing great and looking great, which is infuriating for a former Sister Missionaries), we made our way to Centerville. 

Because I'm an idiot I didn't take any camera photos in Centerville, but trust me when I say we were spoiled rotten, like a banana that's been in the bottom of the fruit bowl since October rotten, with gifts and food. I know there's a lot of Tsk Tsk-ing about too much emphasis on presents, and that we should all be more focused on The Reason for the Season, which, yeah, is probably true in my case, but I was overwhelmed by the thought and love that went into each gift for me and my little family.  I felt incredibly grateful for family. And if I had to guess, I'd say Jesus be on board with that.

Speaking of boarding, Mimi and Papa got Ivy her own Metro set.


Choo, Choo, everybody. And Happy New Year.











Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Ya Filthy Animals

Monday, December 16, 2013

The best thing to ever happen to democracy

During last night's Gingerbread building sesh, no one cried and there were only a couple structural collapses, making this year the most successful in Morley Family history. Please vote on your favorite so one of us can lord it over the rest of the family for the next 365 days.
The nominees:

Demolition Derby

The Lincoln Memorial

Travel Trailer

Clock Tower

Walter and Skyler White's Home

Untitled

The Eiffel Tower



Which candy creation reigns supreme?