Friday, August 7, 2015

But who's counting

Look. I know I should vacuum. I do. But I don't want to. 

How often would you say the average person vacuums? I mean, I know I'm probably way below average, I'm just wondering how much below average. Like, should I be mildly embarrassed? Or absolutely ashamed? So there's a couple cheerios on the floor. That's not a huge deal, right? Okay, and there's maybe a rogue papery garlic peel here and there, but it's not like we have full blown garbage in the corners. I'm good, right? It can wait til tomorrow? Next week? 2019? Great! 

It rained the other day. So I dressed my daughters in matching outfits and made them sit for 700 photos.


Sometimes I treat my offspring as though they are American Girl dolls. Or a Bitty Baby and AG, respectively. Is it practical to own a raincoat for a 6-month old? No. But it is also not practical to own a complete $800 birthday set including goat for Kirsten the plastic toy. I feel like I didn't do a great job connecting those two thoughts. I guess I can't explain how a raincoat for a baby is like being a part of the magical AG universe. It just is. Trust me.

I didn't have Kirsten though. I had Molly. I feel like I am Molly in every way but appearance. And actually one of the most confusing things about my existence is my blond hair and good vision. My spirit animal is a surly brunette who is completely blind without her bifocals. The problem is that I look like Kit, so people expect my disposition to be sunny, and then they start talking to me and think, "Wow. This girl is a total Molly. Refuse to eat your sweet potatoes much?" It's confusing for new friends, which is maybe why my list of friends is short. Or maybe my list of friends is short because I'm the kind of person who not only attributes her identity crisis to looking like the wrong Mattel. Inc. product, but then goes on to write an entire paragraph about it.


Anyway. My children. I dress them up like play things and take a bunch of pictures and pretend this blog is one of those cute blogs for just a minute but then remember that it's definitely been over a week since I last vacuumed so really, my blog could never be one of those cute blogs. It's fine. What I lack in clean floors I make up for with cute kids. Is it okay to call your own kids cute? I feel like you have two choices on the internet. You can make your kids full Pinterest hipster princesses, or write a series of profane posts complaining about the beings you birthed. But  as parents aren't we all kind of somewhere in the middle? We have our good days and our bad. Yesterday, after a full day of whining from my firstborn, I said to Stephen, "Preschool cannot start soon enough." But today she's bringing toys to her sister and dancing like a ballerina and making me a play-doh birthday cake. It's cute. And oh man, Ramona. She's everything I want in a baby. She's chubby and smiley and a good sleeper and I just really worry about what lies in store for her teen years because there's no way she'll be this easy forever. She's cute. My kids are cute. I said it. Sue me.

Well this has been fun. But I'd better go vacuum, because it's been maybe two weeks. Maybe more. 




5 comments:

  1. I also had Kirsten, for the same reasons (blonde, blue-eyed, Scandinavian by way of Sanpete County, etc.) But I wanted Samantha, because money. I'm materialistic, I guess?

    I am also cursed with something I call "Relief Society Face." People expect me to be happy and friendly. They expect me to bring them casseroles. I have one dimple on a round face and people think, "I bet she'd love to babysit my kids for free!"

    This is my burden in life,but my one kid is quite cute, and the baking seems to have all it's parts and things, according to the surly ultrasound tech, so can't complain.

    I also don't vacuum. Or clean very well. I decided long ago that my house would be the house that make other people feel better about themselves and their housewifery/husbandry/spousery? (I don't know, trying to be inclusive here, I think...)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ignore all typos and missing words. I don't clean or proofread blog comments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love a good brown carpet that just fine not vacuuming for a month or so, and toddler rain coats -- I live in Arizona, where no one really needs a raincoat, but they are so hilarious that I couldn't resist buying one for my baby too. Just look how cute your kids look in theirs! I think every parent has a right to put their kids in superfluous clothing and take pictures of it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Haha. Oh you. You've inspired me to take a "Which American Girl are you" quiz, and also continue to not vacuum. Great post. I laughed, I cried, I wanted to be better.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I bought an awesome purple rug that I loved ... until I realized I would have to vacuum five times a day to keep it looking clean. I sold it a few months later because I need something that hides my neglectful housekeeping tendencies. And I had Felicity.

    ReplyDelete

Don't be shy.