all roads lead back to

It's amazing that I'm 26 and I still don't really know how to take care of myself.
It was 2:00 and I felt death approaching. My head throbbed. My back ached. Then my stomach growled. I realized I needed food. So I ate a six inch sandwich in twelve seconds and it was the world's fastest recovery.
Yesterday I felt death approaching. My head throbbed. My back ached. Then my eye-lids drooped. I realized I needed sleep. I went to bed at a decent hour and woke up to the world's second fastest recovery.
When I start to get fussy Stephen usually asks, "Are you tired? Are you hungry?" So the good news is there is one adult in our household.

They went to University

Thanks for sharing, Britt.

An ode to our upstairs neighbor

You bought a guitar

and you don't live far

from me and mine

and where we dine

it's electric I know

with an amp that can blow

your voice I can hear

and oft times I fear

the music you make

will very soon take

my mind and my smile

 and it's only a while

before I get loony

thanks to your tune-y.

we are young

Sometimes the internet is a terrible terrible place, like FaceBook before an election.
But sometimes the internet is supes awes sauce.
Bic made a pen especially for the ladies because their standard ball-points have always been far too masculine for our delicate hands, obviously.

Last week Wait Wait Don't Tell Me did a bit on the Amazon reviews for the new Cristal For Her Ball Pen, so I decided they might be worth reading. I was right. You can find them here, and while some of the statements may make my gentleman readers blush, there are some genuine comedic nuggets penned (punny) by these mostly anonymous reviewers. My favorite:

"Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I'm swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach and doing yoga. It's comfortable, leak-proof, non-slip and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I've begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approchable. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag-boy at my local market. "

Also:

" I am a female AP and Multivariable Calculus teacher and I prefer to use ink when solving problems. I guess, not surprisingly, these pens cannot be used to do math problems more complicated than 5th grade level. When trying to find a derivative or definite integral, the ball point simply stopped working. I went back and added some numbers and it was fine. I progressed up to solving quadratic equations and the ball point started to "stick" so that I couldn't solve the problem completely. Imaginary numbers? HA! It was as if I had a pen with imaginary ink! As I moved into problems with Taylor Series, the pen started to get uncomfortably warm. By the time I tried to find the integral of a polar curve the pen burst into flames! I couldn't believe it! Luckily, I had on asbestos gloves by that time so there were no injuries. I couldn't even try it with a Multivariable problem!"

Thanks for making the internet great, strangers.

Did you think I would crumble?

Yesterday I ended a terrible relationship. It wasn't easy, but I know now that I'm better for it.
The cerulean nail polish was on sale for $1.00 and I'm a sucker, so obviously I was all over that. Within an hour of applying the polish it began to chip. I should have removed it immediately. I knew the chipping situation would only get worse. But I rationalized like we all do. "It's not that bad," I thought. "It's kind of edy," I said, knowing full well that my fingers looked like they were dipped in Smurf puke. I ignored the problem for weeks, hoping it would work itself out. Maybe enough hand washing and showers would simply make it go away. Maybe the trend would become chipped, faded, scraggly manicures. No dice. And so, on Sunday, September 9, I finally came to my senses and ended it. I'd had enough and I knew I could do better. But when I pulled out the remover and cotton swabs, suddenly it was "No, don't make me go, I love you , I'll be better..." and would not let go. It took a good ten minutes and half a bottle of the rubbing alcohol to get rid of what was left of our broken life together. But now I'm free, and eyeing a Wet N' Wild hot pink on sale at Target.

I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller.

Ollie and I are training for a half marathon. Ollie is better at it than I am, probably because he has twice the number of legs. Today is a rest day, and while I was savoring the extra hour of sleep this morning, Ollie sat at the foot of the bed and growled. He looked at my running shoes. Looked at me. Back to the shoes. I don't know where he finds the drive.

Speaking of small animals, turns out having a mobile baby makes life about 147 times more complicated. It's unbelievable how quickly Ivy can scoot from one side of the room to the other. Is she interested in her stuffed animals and teething toys that we've strategically placed around the living room? No. Is she interested in the ethernet cable, blinds and the fireplace? Yes.

Speaking of strategy failure, Stephen taught me how to play chess and we've played every night for over a week now. I have yet to win. Suddenly my skills in Scrabble and Monopoly seem silly. I'm playing with, and losing to, the big boys now.

If you woke up this morning and said to yourself, "I really hope that today Meg blogs about three unrelated topics and feebly attempts to tie them together but ultimately fails," dreams do come true!

Dr. Ivy Answers

Gretchen in Utah asks,
Dr. Ivy- Is it okay if babies eat things off the ground?

Dr. Ivy says,
"Is it okay for birds to eat seed? For cows to eat grass? For fish to eat fish food? Yes, yes, yes and yes. We eat what we can where we are, and I am often on the floor. That is not to say that all things on the ground taste good going down. And so I offer Dr. Ivy's Official Food Found on the Floor Review:

Soggy Cheerio: Just as good as dry cheerios without all mouth work! Whether the sogginess was my doing or the dog's is hard to say.

Long dark hair most likely belonging to the apartment's previous tenant: I struggled with this one, mulling it around until ultimately spitting it back out. A bit on the stringy side and no real flavor to report.

Science Diet puppy chow: Delicious!

Exposed wire: Unfortunately I didn't get to taste this one before Old Joy Kill Mom stopped me from putting it in my mouth. It looked really tasty though.

You're welcome."

Love,

Dr. Ivy

Dr. Ivy, The World's Greatest Expert